Thank you, Messieur Platini

As I was contemplating whether to go work out for a six-pack or buy one, I had the dubious pleasure of watching Maccabi Haifa battle Red Bull Salzburg for a place in the group stages of the Champions League. In years past this would be considered a fluke tie in qualifying for Europe's elite competition, but due to the efforts of a certain Frenchman this will become the norm from now on. You see, after proclaiming his desires to see more teams from lesser-developed leagues in the CL at the expense of Spanish and English teams, Platini and UEFA changed the qualifying format, and separated the champions of their leagues from teams placing 2-4th. Yes, when you were wondering how you could see ties like Arsenal - Celtic and Debrecen - Levski in the same round, here's your answer. This is the same Platini who suggested that EURO's format be changed to incorporate 24 teams instead of 16, meaning that the only countries struggling to make it would be Malta, Andorra and England under McClaren. And this after what was widely considered the best tournament in terms of both football and profit in the history of UEFA!

Anyways, as I was watching Maccabi doggedly wear down a team of what I could only describe as the New York Red Bulls reserves, I imagined what the CL holds for us this season. Instead of the usual unpredictability, most of the group winners and runner-ups can already be determined tomorrow, when the groups are announced; there will be plenty of games decided by the half-time whistle and when Debrecen pile 11 men plus the statue of Puskas in their penalty box and get a 0-0 draw it will be celebrated as the triumph of Platini.

It is evident that no sporting principle is evident in this solution; no sane fan or analyst will argue that the 4th placed team in the EPL is weaker than the champions of Hungary, even if they do still have Silvestre on their roster. Of course, the football socialists will start whimpering that these changes will bring more money to Europe's lesser leagues and develop young talent. Saudi Arabia made repeated appearances in the World Cup; can anyone honestly tell me they are any further away from a 8-0 drubbing by the Germans than they were 7 years ago? And this, after they won the Asian Conference, a bit tougher than the Latvian League. UEFA has the Europa League where lesser-experienced teams can get great runs against tough opposition; there are youth tournaments. Getting scored on in double digits will hardly increase a player's skill or morale, for that matter. The votes of the smaller federations that got Mr. Platini his job, are an entirely different matter.

It was the 5th minute of Haifa-Salzburg as the keeper slid his goalkick right into the path of Katan, 14 yards in front of the goal, dead-centre. As the defenders curiously watched while Katan hit the corner flag, I reached for the six-pack...